Page 259
March 14th, 2011

Page 259

Apparently even Evil has a threshold for evil, or he’s just jealous that he didn’t think of it himself.

There was a question last update about what voices I think would be suitable for an animated version of BN and I’d honestly never thought of it.  Despite an animation background it’s been so long since I’d done any and I’ve been fairly entrenched in comics so I thought I’d leave that discussion up to you guys.

New stuff up on Shirt Woot for a ‘Magic’ derby theme.  I figured there’d be a bunch of Harry Potter themed submissions to compete with so I tried one for fun:

Plus something a little more girly as I don’t get to draw human characters very much.  There’s also a really cool “Tim the Enchanter”, or whatever his exact name was as I don’t quite remember, from Monty Python.

And I felt bad for Nerd getting a lot of abuse lately so here’s a more Nerdiriffic commission :)


  1. SlopDoggy

    I’m reminded of a moment in Jurassic Park III: “Nobody…move…a muscle.”

  2. Soundwave the Unchresomatic

    The good news: LOL, ROTFL, and XD. It took me a while to realize that Tanked had stuffed corn in Cracked’s mouth. I just thought that Tanked had cut off his oxygen supply.

    I can’t help but wonder if this is Tanked’s true personality, that the beer was just a suppressant.

    It would appear Vanity got off easy compared to the others. I guess even when in a terrible mood, Tanked remembers his friendships.

    The bad news: Today is the day when the comic starts updating at 1:00 again. Goodie goodie.

  3. Soundwave the Unchresomatic

    Something just occured to me: Where did Tanked get his alcohol from, anyway?

  4. Hoheh

    Tanked is insane un-drunk? How did he manage until his first drink? He’s chanelling CREEPERS, of all things.

  5. Roderick

    Damn tank is acting cruel lately, but what he did to Vanity…that’s just over the top.

  6. MKarrow

    Ok…. if Evil is making that face, you know something’s wrong. I mean, corn? Come on Tanked, that’s just bad.

    By the way, that shirt is amazing. I love how it’s already in the fog. Too bad the girly girly one didn’t get as many votes; it looks really cool in my opinion ;)

  7. Los

    When I read it in my head, Crack has the voice of Bobcat Goldthwaite, Prozac is Tim Olyphant, Gay is Sean Hayes (Jack from Will and Grace), Lech is the ever ubiquitous Patrick Warburton, Death sounds like Laurence Fishburne and Evil sounds like The Monarch from Venture Bros.

  8. tedflip

    Watch out, Tanked maybe giving Evil some ideas…

  9. K

    I’ve always read Nerd’s lines in the voice of Double D of the Eds.

    Also Crack as Gilbert Gottfried.

  10. CatzCradle

    “Damn tank is acting cruel lately, but what he did to Vanity…that’s just over the top.”

    Oh ho! I see what you did thar.

  11. Batjustice

    When you hear Evil say “That’s just sadistic?” Be afraid. Be very afraid. lol

  12. Kamino Neko

    Oh, great goddess….

    Tanked’s face in that second to last panel…

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

  13. Faranior

    @SlopDoggy: I rather thought of “The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” where the hobbits hide from the Nazgûl under a root or something

  14. Faranior

    @SlopDoggy: I rather thought of “The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” where the hobbits hide from the Nazgûl under a root or something.

    And also great t-shirt and comic. :D

  15. XartaX

    Is the second last panel supposed to be a ringwraith (when they hide under the tree stump thingie) parody or something?:p

  16. Kaos

    So.. Tank did overevil Evil? xD

  17. Sterling Rodd

    Nerd again? Didn’t he just take his lumps?

    Prozac:Ewen McGregor (general North American accent)
    Gay: Mike Meyers
    Nerd: Michael J. Fox
    Crack: Jerry Seinfeld
    Lech: Brendan Fraser
    Evil: Robert De Niro
    Death: Dustin Hoffman
    Vanity: Tom Hulce
    Gimpy: Clint Eastwood
    Tanked (cameo): Elizabeth Taylor

  18. Blacky Blackerson

    You can destroy Gay’s clothes (and Gucci); you can smash Nerd’s stuff; you can even shove a corn in Cracks mouth. But when you put Vanity’s food to an unreacable point, THAT’S GOING TOO DAMN FAR!!

    Seriously though, why can’t Vanity just go get it? If Tanked can reach I know good and well Vanity can find a way (or maybe he’s to lazy). And shoving corn in Cracks mouth? That’s odd and cruel even too a sane person.

    @Sterling Rod: I don’t know if Clint Eastwood would take the roll of voice acting Gimp and if he did, only like two lines would be uttered. Also can’t see Jerry Seinfeld do Crack but who knows? They could have Jack Black as Sloth and I wouldn’t really care.

  19. toraudewa

    Evil look scared. XD

  20. Sterling Rodd

    @Blacky — I agree, I don’t anticipate Gimpy will ever have many lines, if any. I just think it would be a hoot if the one really peaceful, and the most helpful, bear ended up having the kind of voice that could deliver lines like “Go ahead — make my day” and “I know what you’re thinking… did he fire six shots, or only five…?” It seems to me Gimpy’s the only one we haven’t seen be really violent — aside from maybe a cavalier unconcern for Evil’s pain in ripping the tag from his ear. Prozac has plowed Lech in the face, and even Tanked, Crack, and Nerd have all beaten Evil with blunt objects. But so far, Gimpy’s only ever helped, never hurt… a great irony if you think about it. :)

    I like Jerry Seinfeld for Crack because he’s got a good range from “normal” to “frantic” that never relents in a certain edgy anxiousness, which I think is Crack to a “t”. He can also go right over the top, and that’s frequently called for in Crack. I suppose another possibility would be Richard Horvitz, who’s had a lot of screaming practice as Invader Zim, and has a similar high-strung edge. Alternately, he might also make a good Evil, though his voice strikes me a little high for it.

  21. SaphireS

    Love the third panel! :D

  22. UltimaNamir

    I think Evil was just jealous he hadnt thought of it hahahaha. But poor poor Crack…

  23. Tara

    Oh no, he’s sniffing for them! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN D:

  24. Khyran Storm

    Be Afraid.
    be Very Afraid.
    even Evil is unnerved.
    Crack has been taken out.
    Nerd is subdued. Prozac is stunned. Death is quiet. And Gimp…well…he has nothing to say, anyway, so…

    Who will step up and rein-in Tanked? Will the solution be to just inebriate him, or will there be some sort of intervention? Inquiring minds want to know. And so do I.


    We should all Fear.

    Fear the Sober Tanked.

  25. Mak

    Is that… is that CORN in Crack’s mouth? O_o

  26. tor

    I cant understand why the bear will stand for that behavior though, its completely out of character for most of them to tolerate it.

    And its not like they have to, i cant understand why Death doesnt just zap him, or Prosak beat him up, then they can allways get Gimp to tie him, and wait for him to behave himself.

  27. Zoe

    @Sterling Rodd et al.

    I don’t agree with Jerry Seinfeld for the voice of Crack. While it is true that he has a certain edge, much as though he himself is drug addled, I don’t think the man needs any more time in the limelight for being predictable. But my general distaste for him aside… I think this criticism is true of almost all comedians: he was never an actor; he just plays himself in everything he’s in. I don’t think he has the range to pull off Crack’s true spaz moments. Sure, his dialogue would be fine, but he wouldn’t be able to do the crying and screaming. I can’t even imagine him doing justice to COMBUST!! nor the genuinely hysterical tears from just a page ago.

    My vote would be for Mark Hamill. If you don’t know who that is, it’s Luke Skywalker and more recently, The Joker from Batman the Animated series. So we *know* Mark Hamill can do a demented, over the top character. Just on the basis of his performance of the Joker alone- which I’m using as a basis since it’s what people will be familiar with- So called edge? Check. Hysterical screaming? Check. Ranting and raving? Check. Sounding awesome instead of like some washed up comedian trying to cling to fame after the death of his dull TV series that ran for far too long? Check. And if you need any more convincing for that case, hit IMDb! You’ll be surprised to learn that some of the voices he’s done sound so little like his voice as the Joker. A lot of secondary cast voices, that you saw once or twice, and never even registered it as the same voice actor. Which is the sign of a good voice actor. So we have someone who’s well more than a one-trick-pony, can definitely do an over the top character with full flourish, AND, just like all your other voice casts, he has a “real” presence from being in Star Wars. Mark Hamill for Crack, all the way, no contest.

    I think the rest of your casting is great, though. XD

  28. Glowworm

    My boyfriend always read Death Bear’s lines in Christian Bale’s Batman voice. XD

  29. Zoe

    Oh a PS for all you people who don’t get Vanity’s plight: Pandas are really shit at climbing.

  30. Shadow

    though I hate to recommend this, but I think your next book should be the book of tank. This time around seems apropriate that we learn his origines of both him and his addiction. I’d rather it be the book of death (fave character) but it doesn’t make sense to do it with the way the story is going. I would have also recomended the book of vanity, but we only know him as he arrived not as he was before he got to the zoo or how he ended up being as vain as he is.

  31. Sterling Rodd

    I would never have imagined it would be Crack everyone would have such firm opinions about. :)

    Giving Crack corn, and I don’t care
    Giving Crack corn, and I don’t care
    Giving Crack corn, and I don’t care
    Disaster’s on the way.

  32. Sterling Rodd

    Uh, BTW… are any of his friends gonna help Crack? He has a corn cob duct-taped into his mouth!! :D

  33. ThatVocalist

    If anyone DOSE wind up making this into an animated thing, I’ll do the voices for some of the people. :D

    I read this comic aloud to myself and have my own voice for almost every character. xD
    Email me if your making an animation:

  34. Nicole

    Oh, dear, sweet Crack. Someone help that poor guy!!

    And yes, looks like a nod to the FOTR tree-root Nazgul sniffing-for-hobbits moment. :)

  35. ThatVocalist


    I’m pretty sure that she mentioned the next being the Book Of Tanked. :) Happy day.

  36. Rowen

    “Giving Crack corn, and I don’t care
    Giving Crack corn, and I don’t care
    Giving Crack corn, and I don’t care
    Disaster’s on the way.”

    New bear FTW: Disaster Bear!

    I initially thought that the other bears had stuffed Cracked’s mouth with the corn to keep him quiet. :S

    ThatVocalist raises a good point- have the fan base create the voices. Have all of us submit voice samples and see who you like. :P

  37. Ki

    Hey is it me or is Death missing his ear in the lack pannle? Or did it just get folded back -that- fare to not see it?

    Hope we see Tanked’s back story soon, along with the last of the group!

  38. Chris

    *Hands everyone a tranq-gun* Alright on ‘five’ we take him down. Three to the chest and behind, preferably. And try not to shoot each other.

  39. TheTBBNo1

    Lol! Even Evil is afraid of him! Now, that’s a sight you dont see every day! lololololz

  40. TheTBBNo1

    Tanked = New Evil
    Evil = New Crack *nod nod*

  41. TheTBBNo1

    Tanked: *Straaaaaaaaaaaains* (Y)

  42. Anthony

    Can we get him some effin’ beer, please!!!!!!

    (Maybe tank should find some other alcoholic beverage to sober himself up. I think gay has
    someth– Crap, I forgot.)

  43. Rosewater

    I want to see Tank mess with Death.

  44. Colleen

    Wow…when EVIL says its sadistic and he actually seems to really feel bad for the victim…you KNOW its bad…especially when the victim is one of his favorites to pull tricks on. Looks like Vanity got off easy with having his bamboo put up in a high place…Tanked could have just as easily torn it to bits instead.

    They really need to get him some beer, this can only get worse.

  45. Colleen

    (Sorry, sorry! I posted this on the last page on accident. I had to reload the page since it froze and forgot to click to the new page for this strip >_<)

    Wow…when EVIL says its sadistic and he actually seems to really feel bad for the victim…you KNOW its bad…especially when the victim is one of his favorites to pull tricks on. Looks like Vanity got off easy with having his bamboo put up in a high place…Tanked could have just as easily torn it to bits instead.

    They really need to get him some beer, this can only get worse.

  46. Stomme poes

    @Faranior definitely a hobbit scene!

    Cracked would have to be voiced by Gilbert Gottfried. There’s really no other voice that goes with constant screaming like his.

    Prozac would have to be Deepak Chopra for the lawlz. Or Daler Mehndi (the Tunak video singer).

    Evil would have to be Jim Cunningham(?), the guy who did Dr Robotnic’s voice (and lots of other evil guys).

    I totally agree with Mike Meyers for Gay. Totally. And Michael J Fox for Nerd also sounds good (if not, Owen Wilson).

    Vanity needs to be voiced by a girl, preferably one who can do Valley (Gay also needs valley in his voice).

    Evil… needs to sound like Anthony Hopkins/Hannibal Lecter. Even though he’s not sophisticated enough. Tho Robert DeNiro would also work, yes.

  47. Shada

    I will now forever see Evil as the Monarch

  48. Nicole

    I side with Los that only Bobcat Goldthwaite could do Crack justice. Gottfried’s just annoying. Bobcat could do the “constant withdrawl” thing that Crack needs. :D

  49. JDona

    Er, well I left an excessively long comment with fantasy VAs and explanations on each but it appears to have vanished with new posts since, so I assume it was somehow registered as spam and deleted (which is odd given the amout of multiposting). I’ll just note the list again in case it doesn’t reappear (if other can still see it forgive me):

    Prozac: Rob Paulsen (Hulk mode: Jim Cummings)
    Evil: Charlie Adler
    Death: Dante Basco/Raphael Sbarge
    Gay: Kevin McDonald
    Lech: Brandon Keener
    Nerd: Tara Strong
    Crack: Richard Steven Horvitz
    Vanity: Candi Milo
    Gimp: Frank Welker
    Tanked: Jim Cummings

  50. MyTigerX

    This comic is great it only took me 2 days to catch up to this part i cant get enough plus u have major artistic talent if it were me i would not animate this cuz i have already have the idea of wat they all should sound like but every one has diffrent minds sets its best for us to use our imaginations Atleast thats wat i think any ways GREAT COMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  51. scribbleninja

    i found tanked!!,r:6,s:0

    (derpy looking bear)

  52. Thecaffinatedone

    well i never thought i’d see the day
    people actually want BEAR NUTS ANIMETED!!!!
    that would be awesome

    and i’d finally be able to have that job as Crack and tank (just record myself puking) :D

  53. kat

    ()_() Okay WHAT is Tanked in panel 3?!?!

  54. kat

    I meant what is he DOING

  55. Amy

    I’d say Matthew Gray Gubler for Nerd, I’m down the Lech as Patrick Warburton, Alec Mapa as Gay.

  56. corvuscorone68

    @kat i think he’s about to take a dump in there xD

  57. Sterling Rodd

    Yeah, I think Prozac must be regretting about now he didn’t take Evil’s suggesting and turn Tanked into Tranq’ed. :) Worked for Death.

    Probably not surprisingly, I’m hoping for a Book of Nerd. But I expect he’ll be the last… seven or eight years from now… since it’s hard to imagine he has any interesting back story whatsoever. He likes science fiction, computers, and low-budget fraud… there must be 30 million people like that in North America alone. :) He doesn’t seem to have any angst to his character at all prompted by things in his past… only the things his so-called “friends” continually put him through in the present (see panels 4 and 5, above). So I expect a lonnnng wait to see my guy on the cover. :)

    I’d truly LOVE to know Crack’s back story, though.

  58. Blacky Blackerson

    @Sterling Rodd: Hey, you never know. Nerd could have a increadibly deep storyline. For all we know, he could have been part of an underground animal crime syndicate and things went all wrong and changed his life forever. Also, it may be a long time before we get Nerd on a cover, but he won’t be at the end (I can almost guarantee that); that will most likely be Death, because the most complex are usually last. And Cracks backstory: got hooked, went crazy, was put in some sort of rehab, the end XD!

    @Everyone who applies: When it comes down to choosing voice actors, you shouldn’t always choose A list actors, ’cause they cost alot of money. You see, when you try to get someone like Robert DeNiro, you will have to take into account the movies they probably will be making at the time or will have to make. Frank Welker is an pretty good choice, however he should voice Tanked instead of Gimp since Tanked actually makes sound affects. And as much as a animated series would be funny, it probably won’t happen in the near future if at all. It’s rare a comic gets turned into a game let alone a cartoon. But to avoid being a downer, anythings possible.

  59. Venusfly91

    Bear Nuts seems to be getting more and more insane with time like it’s getting close to Ren and Stimpy. I like it!!

  60. NUK380Y

    I like Sterling Rodd’s suggestions for voice actors with one exception.

    Nathan Fillion should be Lech.

  61. Kitsunekage

    @anyone who cares I have said it before, and I shall say it again, I will gladly do the voice of Crack.

    Also, 58, er, 59 comments in a day? Wow, Alison, you’ve gained quite a following….

  62. JDona

    @Blacky Blackerson: Right on, though as I had noted in my previous comment (which vanished in a puff of data), I figure that if one person in the world knows what a bear in a gimp mask would sound like, it’s Frank Welker. No reason he couldn’t do both though!

    There really needs to be some sort of international lottery whose funds go toward producing awesome cultural projects that wouldn’t get made any other way: a Bear Nuts cartoon, resurrecting Farscape/Firefly, a remote siphoning device to develop new Calvin and Hobbes comics from Bill Watterson’s alpha waves, etc.

  63. Ketira

    @Jdona - good idea! After all, I would never have heard of Daft Punk if the video of “One More Time” hadn’t made the charts! So why can’t Bear Nuts do the same thing?

    Oh, and I found something for Nerd to replace his models with: –yes, it’s for real, so snatch now or find on eBay later!

  64. Zoe

    @Sterling Rodd

    Snerk. More like strong opinions against Seinfeld. Seriously, I wish someone would give ME my own television show for making dumb observations about life. Like the dryer eating socks.

  65. JDona

    @Ketira: Oh, jeez, now I’m struck with visions of little blue alien bears being abducted, painted, and dropped into a discount zoo without their knowledge. That would explain Crack if his memory wasn’t completely wiped …

    Well, until some the others appear in a Bear Nuts cartoon there is at least Misery Bear to watch (don’t know if this will work outside the UK):

  66. Mount

    I love the fact that in the last couple panels, Gimp appears to be applying the “If I can’t see him, he can’t see me” rule….

  67. Baughbe

    I like the voices put up for most of the characters. However Tanked needs a real method actor that this role. So I’m going out on a limb here and suggesting Martin Sheen.

  68. Crispy1981

    All I can think of is from the Simpsons. “No Beer and TV make Tanked go something something.” “Go crazy?” “DON’T MIND IF I DO!”

  69. Rahnee

    Huh, Harry also struck me as a mongoose…because Voldemort’s a snake-thing. He’s really cute as an owl, though.

  70. Rahnee

    I mean always, not also. Some writer I am. lol

  71. Kath

    You know, when I see Death, I hear James Earl Jones’ magnificent voice.
    Times have changed, though with anamation, and whats really interesting is that it can be done with different degrees of detail depending on the time you want to spend with it. Here is a short film called Tiny Nation, done in Second Life ( It’s worth the time to watch, and see what’s possible.

  72. Sterling Rodd

    I suppose I could live with Frank Welker doing Tanked’s occasional vocalizations, but not in any other role that had speaking lines… in which case, I would simply jab an ice pick through each eardrum and get it over with.

  73. Nicole

    I love how Death’s ears go back like a scared cat in the last panel.

  74. Sterling Rodd

    @Nicole — Weird, I’ve been thinking how much Prozac looks like a cat in panel 8 when he first glances down at Crack. But then, bears are recently closely related to cats, after all. :)

  75. Sterling Rodd

    Uh, for “recently” above, read “reasonably”, ahem. :)

  76. Wolfen

    Wow, even Evil has an evilness threshold…. and I think it just was crossed.

  77. Nicole

    Heh, Sterling. :D

    So, if panels 11-12 are representative of the four hobbits in “Fellowship of the Ring” hiding from the wraith…who’s who? :D

    My picks:

    Gimp: Pippen
    Prozac: Sam
    Death: Frodo
    Merry: Evil

  78. Sterling Rodd

    @kat — Every time I look at panel 3, I’m reminded of a joke I heard in high school:

    “Mike, use ‘William Shatner’ in a sentence.”

    “Yes, ma’am. ‘Ellen was mad ’cause William Shatner purse.’”

    If anybody doesn’t get it, understand now I ain’t explaining it. :D

  79. Sterling Rodd

    @Nicole — What about Crack? Is the he the mushrooms? :)

  80. Claire

    “They call me…..Tim?” lol
    Love Tanked’s crazy monster tongue lashing around…

  81. Kath

    Poor Tanked. You know, there were back stories to explain how Evil got that way, and Prozac- So what pushed Tanked over the edge? I would imagin it was something pretty horrid for him to be lashing out so much. But , then again, when he was drunk, they fed him most everything, and strapped him in a car and ran it into a wall, so there you go. I am surprised that the zoo keepers haven’t noticed his behavior. (rabid bear?)

    It also came to me that there is a song, “Jimmy Cracked Corn” that was written a long time ago and isn’t PC. but, we sang it as kids because we didn’t know any better. There might be other reasons why Tanked was being so- corny with Crack, but, after my work week, it eludes me. (or I am too innocrent to know those things.)

    I really really like Tanked. There was something about his trusting child like innocene that was appealing. Everyone else has an agenda except him. oh, and Crack, but he’s a bit Neurotic for my sensibilitys.

    (btw Sterling, it took me two reads to get the joke- I would say that Tank would be closer to Smeagle right now than anything, expecially with biting Prozacs finger)


  82. Nicole

    @Sterling: I didn’t really consider Crack as being in the picture, per se. I suppose he could be a previous victim of Farmer Maggot?

    Kath, if I remember correctly, Crack has a terrible fear of anything yellow. So Tanked’s really done a number on the poor guy.

  83. Kath

    while I’m reading the responses here, Nicole, your comment regarding Farmer Maggot kicked playing the chase from Farmer Maggots land, over the hill to where they discovered the Mushrooms. I associated that with “Hon, we forgot the mushrooms for the stew” (the are in the crisper drawer) These are baby bella mushrooms (yummy) that any hobbit would be happy to eat for every breakfast, lunch and supper. It being St. Patricks day, we are making Irish stew.

  84. Sum1

    Whaaaaa? So, funny, panel 2 face? .______.

  85. Rahnee

    I just realized Gimp is covering his face in panel 11. It’s really not the sort of violence he enjoys, is it?

  86. Riggamaroll

    All right, here’s my list:

    Prozac: Edward Norton (Step away from the fact that he’s been Bruce Banner, he’s got the range to play both every aspect of Prozac. The best part is that he can really go from over-the-top supportive and fatherly to raging crazy in mere milliseconds.)

    Nerd: Seth Green (It just fits, trust me.)

    Tanked: Patrick Warburton (Somebody mentioned him for Lech, but Lech just isn’t the right type for him. Especially with Tanked’s recent rampage, I think Patrick would really fit into this role.)

    Gay: Mike Barker (The voice of Terry Bates on American Dad! Flamboyant? You got it!)

    Gimp: Frank Welker (Frank’s got a range that is beyond human, and he can express himself well without words.)

    Death: Crispin Freeman (Non-fans of anime will probably have no idea who I’m talking about here. If you’ve heard his work, you’ll agree with me. If not, check it out, and you’ll agree with me. His deep voice is the very essence of “in control, but I could rip you five new holes any day of the week”)

    Lech: Neil Patrick Harris (While he has done gigs like “Rent” and “How I Met Your Mother”, we all sometimes forget his more than memorable contributions to the Harold and Kumar franchise. NPH is Lech, hands down.)

    Cracked: Steve Carell (Don’t think he’s up to it? Watch “Over the Hedge”)

    Vanity: Tara Strong (For some reason, Vanity reminds me of a much more egotistical Timmy Turner. Don’t ask why, it just happens.)

    Sloth: Bill Fagerbakke (Broadway from “Gargoyles” and, more recently and famously, Patrick Star from “Spongebob Squarepants”. Should this even be debatable?)

    Finally, we hit the hardest Bear to cast:

    Evil: Mark Hamill (While someone expressed he would be best cast as Cracked, I think his performances over the course of the past three decades have pretty much made him a shoe-in for Evil.)

  87. Nicole

    Nice, Kath! Happy St. Patrick’s day!

  88. Kellins

    third panel = priceless

  89. sneakers

    Holy terror! Poor Cracked.

    This is all Lecherous Evil’s fault.

  90. sneakers

    The shirt idea is so cute!

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